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Walking In My Shoes

Final Paper

EDUC 403

12/9/13

Walking In My Shoes

“In thinking of America, I sometimes find myself admiring her bright blue sky—her grand old woods—her fertile fields—her beautiful rivers— her mighty lakes, and star-crowned mountains. But my rapture is soon checked, my joy is soon turned to mourning. When I remember that all is cursed with the infernal spirit of slaveholding, robbery and wrong,— when I remember that with the waters of her noblest rivers, the tears of my brethren are borne to the ocean, disregarded and forgotten, and that her most fertile fields drink daily of the warm blood of my outraged sisters, I am filled with unutterable loathing, and led to reproach myself that any thing could fall from my lips in praise of such a land. America will not allow her children to love her. She seems bent on compelling those who would be her warmest friends, to be her worst enemies. May God give her repentance before it is too late, is the ardent prayer of my heart. I will continue to pray, labor and wait, believing that she cannot always be insensible to the dictates of justice, or deaf to the voice of humanity.” – Frederick Douglas

            I start this paper with this quote knowing that I am part of the healing process this country needs to go through and that I relate deeply to Frederick Douglas’ love and loathing of this country.  Like him I find myself called to leadership to “labor and wait” for justice and humanity in education.  It is my stance that a spiritual renewal around leadership is needed and therefore I am using spiritual terms of growth (borrowed from my church, East Bay Church of Religious Science) This paper will use four stages of “spiritual growth” and how I have been contemplating their roles in my leadership growth.

To Me

By Me

As Me

Thru Me

“These are the four stages of our God in this life,” Reverand Eloise stated as I sat and listened with my congregation last month, on a Sunday early morning service.  This paper will reflect my understanding of my current educational leadership journey and how it has cycled in and out of leadership roles sometimes public and formal and some in the private shadows.  In this journey my relationship to “God” or “Higher Spirit” has always been my guide.  When thinking about leadership and education I felt I could only express it using these four stages to define my philosophy and beliefs about leadership. Through these stages I always found myself refocusing  on the context of the mission and purpose of schools and education.  Finally I hope to show in my concrete examples a working application of my understanding around human learning and the role of teaching in advancing that learning and how it is not only my current career and parental choice but one that is a spiritual choice as well.

“To me” phase

At one point I felt the educational system was happening to me, I had a victimized point of view.  Similar to the introductory quote from Fredrick Douglas, I felt for many years this country had wronged my people (Mexican, Native American and Irish) in a wide variety of ways.  For example, as a female student of color who came from a low income family, most of the time public schools and “the academy” was a struggle; socially, financially, culturally, and spiritually. However to me it was just a struggle to push under the rug.  I now see how wrong I was in trying to push my past behind me and to think I don’t bring that past to my current leadership especially to my educational leadership. 

As a public educator I became very frustrated when I felt that the system was starting to “happen to me” as a teacher and in an urban public school as well as to my daughter involved in that system.  As Sinclair and Wilson state in  New faces of leadership, “Outsiders” or Biculutralism in adaptive leadership bring those viewpoints and values to leadership practice; “identities which do not rest on membership of a single social group or tribe but are able to inhabit multiple groups and cultures without feeling threatened or paralyzed,” have a different lens of leadership. In this moment of not wanting to be a victim or have my daughter “suffer” a type of situation I went through  I decided to take on every type of leadership role SFUSD offered in my school site as well as outside.

“By Me” phase

In this phase where I decided to take on the system I never felt such frustration at times as well as supreme success.  I now realize after really looking at the various organizational frames I was trying to balance and juggle many roles.  Not only did I have an intention to keep people at the center of my choices specifically students and teachers, or teaching and learning, but I realize I was also trying to change structures and political frames.  The multiple cultures became a huge struggle for me to balance.  Not only was I holding multiple roles as a teacher leader on site but I became heavily involved in teacher leadership in the political frame or with various Teacher Unions.  I wanted to tackle bureaucracy nationally and state wide and became a part of AFT and CTA in a variety of capacities; CFT Common Core Teacher Leader, CTA Proposition 30 Release Time Member, CFT Teacher Leader for Policy Change in San Francisco.  During this time however I was also doing teacher leadership by becoming Nationally Board Certified. However as Wilson states in his text, “Bureaucracies in which 2 or more cultures struggle for supremacy will experience serious conflicts as defenders of one seek to dominate representatives of the others.”(p.101)

            This conflict that was so made so clear to me as Union Representative and then National AFT leader as well as CTA leader was made controversial when I was not only trying to defend teachers but sticking up for my students as an advocate.  I knew that the various cultures I was surfing in and out of as well my past points of view were all valid voices.   Yet  being pulled in many directions I felt I needed more concrete understanding of what all these leadership conflict/choices I had taken on meant.  I felt a leadership disequilibrium and “The Call” I had needed clarification if I was going, “To be the change I wanted to see (Gandhi).          

The various ‘cultures’ surrounding leadership and education became a whole different culture in and of itself and I felt I needed a clearer “mind map”. This is what has led me to research Educational Leadership especially here at Mills which has a social justice, feminist lens.  Being aware of “the system” and that I was now a part of that system (that I at times felt victimized from) I felt needed to be able to make educated choices. Until now I refer to these leadership dilemas as “culture” however can relate to Bolman and Deal when analyzing how the conflict of structures and human resources as different frames and lens of how organizations function.

“The assumptions of the structural frame reflect a belief in rationality and a faith that the right formal arrangements minimize problems and increase quality and performance.  Where the human resources perspective emphasizes the importance of changing people (through training, rotation, promotion, or dismissal), the structural perspective focuses on designing a pattern of roles and relationship that will accomplish collective goals as well as accommodate individual differences.” (p.101) Now  after a year and half of my Masters program at Mills I feel like I am once again transitioning as well as see a different side of my leadership in education manifested.

“As Me” phase

            Now that I am truly understanding the roles in educational leadership and how it has affected my choices as a leader, parent and teacher I find myself in a metacognition about education.  I used to dread conversations around problems of learning and now through the help of various Professional Learning Communities including my Union leadership I find myself actively engaged and not emotionally overwhelmed.  For example, when brainstorming with teacher leaders from SFUSD (chosen by AFT for a year long team approach to educational policy) some of my main concerns when deciding how I wanted to engage in public policy in education. I brainstormed this picture.

 In this AFT “think tank” of teacher leaders we were asked to think of an “ideal” world in the land of educational decisions.  I felt and do feel that multiple stakeholders need to find ways to communicate and listen to one another in order to make decisions that are taking all points of view into consideration. This perspective was definitely influenced by the idea that I am modeling the type of leadership I want to see.  Through participation in Mills Ed. Program, my teacher leadership as well moving to a new district this year I am finding myself ready for the next phase of my leadership as well as my understanding of decision making.

As I am moving forward through the stages of my leadership I find that I am no longer victimized but educated in and by my experience.  I no longer attract conversations that feel isolating in intention or demoralizing in its victimized viewpoint of  bureaucratic systems. There are many leaders out there doing the work and modeling that commitment in bureaucracies as well as in their day to day decisions.  I too am that walking and breathing entity in which teaching and learning is more than a task or goal, but is a way to empower humanity especially this country that my more than half of my ancestors have been a part of for thousands of years.

“Thru Me” phase

A reflection question was once posed to us in our class, how and why should a leader nurture relationships in an organization? I emphasize this question in this part of my paper because I believe that a phase I am approaching will require me to not only recall this question but many I have had here at Mills with automaticity or leadership messages working “thru me”.

I  remember what my classmates had to say about it that day…..

My classmates key words:

·      Healthy communication

·      Nurturing strengths

·      Being aware of your weaknesses

·      Reflection in Action

            This question for me was obvious – organizations are made of people. According to Bolman and Deal, one of the frames of looking at organizations through human relationships has the metaphorical symbol of “Family”.  Boleman and Deal make that point that central to a good organization noting that when positive human resources needs are met, skills and relationships are valued organizations thrive.  I agree with this image of leadership as EMPOWERMENT.  I would like to take it one step further and say that thru my understanding of education and community we can’t help but know that we are a “family” working together to make our society better. That education doesn’t happen to us, by us, or as us, but thru us.  And as I manifest that leadership truth as a career choice in education, a parenting choice, and spiritual choice

I echo the words of many of my spiritual partners and guides when I say….

I let it go

I let it be and

So it is.

-sd